Waiting for marriage

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight

Proverbs 3:5-6

I am almost thirty and have spent the past decade navigating my dating life guided by my own moral compass. I can firmly declare that my moral compass is broken despite my best efforts of self-awareness and dedication to respecting women. About a year ago I reached the bottom of my own strength and gave my life to Christ. Since that day there has been a slow and gradual growth in my heart as I discarded my own moral compass in favor of the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Pre-marital celibacy was one such commandment which I considered outdated and which I refused to acknowledge despite calling myself a Christian.

Hopefully I can save you some time and heartache: God’s way is the right way and there are rational reasons to obey beyond the simple principle of submission to his will and faith. I am grateful for my years of dating experience since they have given me a humbling awareness of just how correct God’s way is. In this article I will convince that following God’s commandment plus a little bit of masculine self-development will allow you to develop a deep connection with the woman of your dreams.

How does celibacy attract women? By choosing to wait until marriage you show to her that you possess self-discipline and self-control. This discipline will permeate your entire life and will facilitate the establishment of financial and emotional regulation. I promise you that a worthwhile woman will be greatly enticed when she understands that you are a man who can control himself rather than a boy following his hormones. This character trait opens up the door to dating women of the highest caliber.

To expand upon this point, I want to address concerns that may be holding you back from committing to pre-marital celibacy. To put it in the form of three first-person questions

Will waiting for marriage make me lame and boring?

The idea that pre-marital celibacy is lame is a symptom of spiritual blindness. Once you let go and trust God He will show you the truth: Patience is incredibly attractive. Think of it this way. Which one the two theoretical women would you, as a man, be more attracted to? A woman who is desperate and who has low standards or a woman who makes you work for her attention and affection? Sit with that question for a minute and the answer should be clear. When you choose to let go of your desperation and instead seek the Kingdom of Heaven your focus will shift towards activities that develop you into a more interesting person.

Will I be seen as unexperienced and unable to perform in bed?

It is, of course, impossible to say what each and every woman you meet will think about you. But, in general, having sex isn’t that difficult and the experience that most men lack is in their empathy, conversation skills, and maturity. Most women are so burnt-out by thirsty dudes that they would be honored and refreshed to date a man who focuses less on his sexual “experience” and more on his personal growth. Besides, true intimacy isn’t a competition or a test, it’s a bonding experience.

How can I meet beautiful women if I decide to commit to premarital-celibacy?

The Bible does not explicitly promise that he will teach you how to talk to women. However it does say the following.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

If you ask God in Faith to teach you how to connect with women in a healthy manner he will provide the instruction you need. I spent many years developing the bravery to start conversations with the sort of women to whom I am attracted. But I was missing a Godly mindset. I challenge you to develop and combine the masculine traits of confidence, fearlessness to rejection, and conversation skills with pre-marital celibacy. That last part is critical because it takes you out of a sexual mindset and allows you to genuinely care about the heart of the woman you have met.

To make your journey easier, here is a flowchart that covers everything you need to know about how to talk to the opposite sex no matter where or when you encounter them in your day-to-day life.

The only other thing to know about talking to members of the female persuasion is that you will absolutely get rejected many many times. That’s ok and so long as you have been respectful you will have nothing to feel bad about. In fact, the rejection itself is what makes you a stronger, bolder, and more attractive gentleman. Never give up and learn something from each rejection and you will be well on your way to the woman of your dreams – and you’ll be storing up treasure in Heaven.