No, but why? To summarize my argument for equality I propose the following paradigm: The difference between the two genders is in a temporal dichotomy of advantage. Women have early advantages and late burdens, men have early challenges and late advantages. I have purposefully restricted the scope of my essay to two genders and am avoiding other factors. I acknowledge that there are diverse gender identities, as well as other factors that influence a person’s experiences (such as race, class, or sexual orientation). However, delving into all of those variables would require an entirely different—and much lengthier—work.
We are all biased by our own experience and gender is one of those lenses we cannot easily escape. This is article is meant to encourage understanding and to dispel the trap of a victim-complex based on gender. We all have indulged in self-pity and we have all been hurt by others but we must grow past that. Please be assured my intention is to heal, not to divide. You may find that writing your own version of this essay will help grow your empathy.
The male gender
The male experience can be considered loosely as being shouldered with great early-life difficulty but a much higher skill cap. One of the most harmful forms of treatment that young-men are subject to is being told directly or indirectly to “be a man”. They are, of course, given no specifics as to what that means but they discern correctly that they will not be rewarded if they show weakness.
What this often means in practice is that emotional vulnerability is actively punished by other men and even by some women (though women are much kinder in general). Their own fathers will instinctually avoid reassuring their sons in certain areas of life in the hope that it will make them “tough”. I was blessed not to be thus neglected by the virtue of having an absent father. This emotional abuse is often a young man’s first introduction into the painful world of male competition.
Male competition is something that most men feel or receive on a regular basis. There was a time when I told myself that this was “normal” but it’s really just a lack of maturity. You can achieve the same results through competing with yourself. You can instead admire and learn from other men while having more peace to show for it. Every time I go for a run in my city I get a few vile stares from certain men which I can only interpret as an attempt at intimidation at my brazen act of…jogging? I trust they will eventually turn whatever pain they are feeling into the motivation to lace up and hit the streets for their own good.
Men are, of course, in general less physically beautiful than women and often struggle with being perceived as dangerous, gross, or brutish. The result of this is, sadly, smaller social networks and in extreme cases isolation, depression, and substance abuse. As a man, when you first meet someone (especially if that someone is female) you must first prove you are a “normal” guy and not “dangerous”. This can be felt and is manifested in painful rejection if you act too awkward, shy, or are too bold. Some men deserve the title of “risky” but they are a very small portion of the population. And, in addition, social isolation leads to social isolation because the opportunity to become “normal” through practiced socialization is taken from him once he shows any hint of undesirable or unmanly behavior.
To worsen the situation, pursuing mental health treatment is often stigmatized as “weak” meaning that these men feel as if they have no hope. Much of my mission of this website is to show vulnerability to those men who need to read it from a male author. I am willing to look weak if it benefits a brother.
To change the tone to be more positive, let’s investigate the reward of overcoming the above challenges. Each young man must master the arts of appropriate vulnerability, mental health stability, and an ability to be alone. Follow those prerequisites with an awareness of one’s passions and the sky is the limit. His independence is his own safety net. His intuition as to when to be vulnerable means he can be perceived as either tough or gentle as the situation demands. He is now ready to lead. Hopefully, he chooses to lead others towards their own peace and prosperity.
The female gender
I have little awareness of the internal lives of women so my evaluation is based on observations of behavior. In a sentence, women may have some advantages early on as well as physical blessings but they are balanced out by substantial social burdens and high expectations.
To expand, I will start with the non-dating value of beauty. Women tend to be easier to trust because of their gentle demeanors and approachable appearances. This means they may be easier to confide in and feel safe around. But, beauty is a double edged short and to fail to live up to beauty standards is punished by discrimination and disinterest.
I am writing this in twenty-twenty-five and am proud of the work that has been done towards advancing women’s rights. Women don’t deserve to be handicapped by men who wish to control them. If a man wants to pretend he’s “better” or more important than a woman he should at least give her an equal starting point legally speaking (I say this as my own foil, of course I do not believe that). Which brings us to the burden of patriarchy.
There is some sort of instinctual entitlement that men are possessed by towards ownership, not leadership, of women. Consider pop songs from gross artists such as The Weeknd bragging about his harem. This disease permeates all aspects of a woman’s life including career, upbringing, and social expectations. I don’t have much more to contribute as a man without experience therein but it’s worth pointing out to my male readers if you ever think women “have it easy”.
The main advantage women are gifted, in my opinion, is a greater facility towards socialization which is bolstered by the innate trust described earlier that both genders have towards women as opposed to men. This results in greater social experience, more dating partners, and better mental health. Which explains why there are more male criminals than female criminals: socially healthy (and by extension mentally healthy) people don’t need to commit crimes because they feel loved by society and thus love society.
Another advantage I observe in women is greater baseline intellect. Because of the way that testosterone divides neurons, men are biased towards lower intellect unless they are active in developing it. When I was in engineering school each and every female classmate I had was highly competent. My high school valedictorians were all women as well. Women read more than men, etc, etc. I respect the heck out of women for this trait.
Conclusion
Hopefully, I have convinced you by this point that neither gender has it easier. We all either benefit from or are burdened by our genetics. Men must overcome early life challenges such as an expectation of “toughness” but if successful can be excellent leaders in service of the greater good. Women have patriarchal poison to resist but are gifted with great intelligence and facility towards socializing. Count your blessings, folks.
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