Skillful means

Clarity of speech is like purified water. It is ideal but not always the best choice. A bath of pure water would be expensive so instead we use tap water. Skillful means are similar: imperfect but often preferred. The phrase “skillful means” itself comes from the East. It refers to how, for example, Zen masters would point their students towards understanding using Koans (riddles), metaphors, stories, or any other indirect tool to illustrate a concept. Let’s consider an example. 

In a crowded monastery in the foothills of the Himalayas a student waits patiently after the day’s lecture. He has a question for the teacher. “Guru, if a student of the Dharma loses his mind, how can he find enlightenment?” The Guru responds “His chances are better than yours” The students ponders his teacher’s answer for several days then returns to the teacher. 

“Guru, if the mind is lost how can the middle way be practiced?” The teacher responds “You cannot find the middle way until you lose your mind”. The student is now earnestly hoping to lose his mind somehow. So, one day he attends the lecture wearing the outfit of a clown, his face is painted, and his nose is bright red. He approaches the teacher “Guru, am I closer to enlightenment?”

The direct message of the above is that enlightenment has little to do with one’s clothing or external factors. Yet, the visual imagery of a monk wearing a clown outfit does a much better job of illustrating the message than saying it directly would. This is the notion of “skillful means”. I am at a place in my life where I am studying skillful means closely and with great desire. I have a certain point I need to convey but I am plainly aware that directly speaking it, at least immediately, to someone I do not know well is not often the most effective method. 

Rather, I am patiently observing, reading, and writing as I develop within myself a repertoire of skillful means which I can use. Allow me to share what I have learned up to this point. 

• If you have something to say, you must first listen and hear
• If you want someone to see things your way, you need to see things their way
• You must practice articulation before it is needed

Listen and hear

The greatest gift you can give is a desire to listen and hear. When you speak with another person you must go further than simply keeping your mouth shut. To show that you care you should toy with their words in your mind before you respond. If you can manage it, consider the heart behind their words and what need or want they are meeting via those words. It helps to focus on keywords and descriptive language. But most importantly, it is crucial that you listen with a pure heart. You listen not to gain advantage or to manipulate but to truly act with selflessness. 

See things their way

When it is your turn to speak, do so from a paradigm of understanding. Where is this person’s head at? If you have something to say is now the right time to say it? What if you waited until the next time you see them. If someone recommends a book to you then read it. You will be blown away by their gratitude. For me, what this means is that I must fight to break out of the “preacher” mindset. I have no desire to push others to become Christian. It is not my responsibility. I am told by the Bible that all I need to do is sow the seed of God’s Word. I respect fully if someone does not want to believe or even consider what I have said. I owe my Lord to speak the name of Jesus but not to the extent where I am showing disrespect.

Practice articulation

It is paramount that I can craft my speech in real-time to be as efficacious and approachable as possible. That’s why I spend so much effort writing these articles. My readers are likely Christians and I love them and value their time and attention. But I don’t write for them. I write as a way of processing my thoughts and working through various ideas so that in-person I can speak most effectively and in such a way that leads the conversation, at it’s own pace, to Christ. That may take years and months of slowly and kindly getting to know someone before the Spirit shows me that it is time. While I wait for those glorious opportunities, I can always write another article to continue to refine my mind such that I am always ready to give an answer for the hope that is in me. 

Go and speak with kindness

I respect whatever it is that you have to say to those in your life. For me, it is the name of Jesus but for you it may be a sales pitch, a confession of love, or a word of encouragement. I hope that you take to heart the concept of skillful means. Consider how you can patiently and kindly work with, not against, your audience. And remember, sometimes the right thing to say is nothing at all.