The narrow gate

You may have heard the phrase “carrying one’s cross” used in a secular sense as a heavy burden unique to yourself. Walking with God and living up to the standard set out by Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew chapters 5 – 7) seems to runs counter to how our brains evolved. While science may explain how we’ve evolved biologically, it has no mechanism for why we feel the deep ache for lasting love, meaning, or spiritual connection. Our Lord shows us the way in the book of Matthew.

5:27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’

28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

That is a high standard. But one I have committed to attain. Any straight man could agree that this feels like an impossible task. And after all we’re just animals, right? Wired for sex. Not so. What we are wired for is spiritual unity with a life-partner. What we have become is broken somewhere along the turning of the eons when Adam (who may be a metaphor for some spiritual ancestor to mankind) chose sin over God and introduced evil into our DNA. Allow me to argue in favor of Jesus’ view on lust. 

I, like many men, enjoy the company of a beautiful woman. And for many years I felt certain that a few fantasies, a few errant thoughts here or there were “healthy”. I was wrong. There was a sea change that took place within my soul when I chose to align myself with God’s Word. To be specific, I do still allow myself to recognize physical beauty in a woman but I practice self-discipline by allowing myself only to briefly consider it, find it appealing, and then move on to wonder about her heart. 

I do have the goal of finding a beautiful woman and becoming her husband. And I cannot marry someone who will be unable to satisfy me physically because that would open the door for further adultery. If I were to marry a woman who I wasn’t attracted to I would spend the rest of my life checking out women I consider more beautiful and sinning against my wife in my heart. So, it’s reasonable to set a beauty standard for the women I date. However, once I know that a woman meets that standard I set those thoughts aside I look into her eyes, not at the outline of her yoga pants. 

There are innumerable benefits to this that you may never have experienced if you just “go with the flow” of the world’s standards. It is self-evident that no meaningful intimacy can be had without patience. Even atheists agree that one-night stands are notoriously unfulfilling and leave the heart wanting more. Assuming you believe that sex before marriage is acceptable, you likely have the decency to wait several months. But if you really are physically drawn-in by that person you still have frustrating sexual tension and impatience in your heart by the third date or so. There is a better way made possible by the Holy Spirit of promise. 

As a christian you have the spiritual hardware necessary to understand that to date is to dance in the spirit realm. Would it surprise you that spiritual courtship may take many months before the decision of marriage can be made? Does that seem too slow, considering you may be spiritually bonded for eons—even beyond this mortal life?

For many men my age this is our cross to bear. We have been saturated by so many sources of instant sexual gratification that we have become blind to this spiritual truth. The weight of this blindness can only be lifted when we pick up our crosses of purity and follow Jesus. So, shoulder your cross and enter through the narrow gate and remember that the way that leads to life is difficult.